My Commentary of My Immortal
by Luxembourgsbucktoothedgirl
Summary: Pretty self explantary, rated for awlfulness of fanfiction. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**Right, firstly I apologize for the heinousness of this fanfiction. What can I say, I thought I should probably upload something but I'm having a complete writer's block on the two real stories I'm attempting to write; so I did this instead, a commentary on the infamously laughingly horrible 'My Immortal.' Oh yeah and I don't own or make any profit from this abomination; woe betide me if I did. Enjoy **

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 **(subtle, real subtle)** 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling **(helping! What an excellent editing job you've done Raven)**. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing **(I highly doubt it's depressing)** life u rok 2! **(*cough* and *cough* imaginary).** MCR ROX!**(hmm, they do I suppose, although after reading this atrocity I'm not such a big fan)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(oh god, I can tell she's going to be a Mary Sue already; and that ' is just so 'goffik')** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name **(No shit Sherlock, oh and real original naming there)**) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(limpid tears, really? All tears are limpid by nature; you're not exactly going to get opaque tears. Although she could be meaning that the tears are laid-back and unworried)** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **(I think not seeing as Amy Lee is actually attractive)** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)**(oh you don't have to say that to scare people away)**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.**(*breaking into giggles on the floor* just imagined the gay seal meme saying 'iinncceessttt')** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin.**(personally; most of the vampires I know have perfect Hollister-model tans) ** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(Hogwarts is in Scotland *shaking head in disappointedly* silly, silly Ebony) **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)**(really?! I could never have worked that one out)** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.** (I imagine that's like the American version of PULP)** For example today I was wearing**(everyone should come accustomed to these outfit descriptions, there is a hell of a lot of them) **a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun **(that can't be a good sign, in your twisted imagination does the sun simply come and go of its own accord)**, which I was very happy about.**(I didn't think you could be happy)** A lot of preps **(Someone needs to explain to me this whole prep, poser, goth thing; in my school we have the chavs, the rich people, the rich chavs, and the normal people. I'm happy to say that I'm in the concluding category)** stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**(Rebel!)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….**(ohmigod, ohmigod. The suspense is killing me! Who could it possibly be? The Queen? Hitler? Tara herself? (only lets hope not)) ** Draco Malfoy!** (wow. what a surprise. seeing Draco. at Hogwarts.)(on a lighter note *gets up and runs out of the door like a madman* Must. Go. Get. Em. She'll want this opportunity to jump on Tom Felton screaming her love for him; Can you blame her?) **

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.**(I'M SORRY, WHAT! Since when was Draco Malfoy shy? Has this girl even read the books, seen the films or did she just have Potter-infused vision in which she witnessed the vague gist of the plot)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.** (What a truly riveting conversation that was)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(No, no its not)**

**Yeah, so tell me if I should continue; I'd like to seeing as I'm quite enjoying it myself. Bye then.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, okay I get it. I'm a horrible, evil human being for not updating either this or my other story for months. I'm sorry. What can I say; birthdays, house parties, exams, Christmas, friend problems, family problems, health problems (mental and physical) etc. have completely put writing and commentating out of my mind. But it's the first day of 2013, and my new year's resolution is to start writing again so here we are, some good old fashioned british style ranting. Oh yeah, I don't own this, nor do I wish to.**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 **(...subtle)** 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(actually I'm fine 'flaming' it if you don't mind ok!)**

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **(yeah well I woke up in my bed) (bitch)** It was snowing and raining again **(what odd weather patterns seem to appear in 'Hogwarts')**. I opened the door **(lid)** of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony **(haha *giggling* say it like this: ee-boneey)** and inside it was hot pink **(ermagurd, Ebony has something that is pink, brand her with the iron of preppy-ness)** velvet with black lace on the ends. **(ends of what?)** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **(wow, I wouldn't have thought a tramp like you would wear pyjamas) **Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace **(careful, you know the goat-slaughtering druids will be after you now)**, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.**(a kind of messy bun, is it a messy bun or is it not a messy bun? That is the question)**

My friend, Willow** (don't you dare ruin Buffy for me, or trees)** (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes** (So she woke up, grinned at you. Flipped her hair, all before opening her eyes. Talent)**. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **(ewww you share make up, what if one of you gets an eye infection)**

"OMFG**(preppy)**, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.**(my god woman, if this is what Willow get excited about I'd hate to see her when santa comes to town)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**(but then she'd be less pale. Be disappointed Ebony, be disappointed)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **(they must be really fast walkers)**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.**(anger issues)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.**(yeah because if you don't like someone you definitely flirt with them. Yep defo.) **

"Guess what." he said. **(again, riveting conversation)**

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!"**(hehe, say it like they do in St. Trinian's)** I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(why, did Ebony have a heart attack, god I hope so)**

**So I'll probably upload something again today. See ya.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Darn proud of myself, two chapters in a day :D**

Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **(As I said before, no)** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(don't lie hunny, nobody gave this a good review)** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **(what about fangs and birds)** oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.**(thank god because if you did we'd all be screwed beyond belief)**

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On the night of the concert **(which is completely ridiculous anyway because Good Charlotte are a muggle band and highly unlikely to even know that Hogsmede exists) ** I put on **(SHUT UP WOMAN WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW)** my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **(a little vague)** on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **(I cannot even begin to express my anger at this moment, throwing in a little teenage angst does not give a story artistic integrity)** I read a depressing book **(must be twilight)** while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. **(wow, she's so crazy, changing her look all the time like that) ** I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway **(well done, well done)**. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside.**(I think that is possibly the most accurate and non-brain-bleachy sentence in the entire fanfiction)** Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(okay yes eyeliner on guys does a lot of the time look darn sexy but the rest of the outfit; ewwww. Give me skinny jeans any day ;)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(wow she really knows how to use her womanly charms to reel the fella's in doesn't she)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(what an excellent advert for the non-usage of drugs: 'don't do drugs kids, or you'll end up like her'** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **(yes, that is what you tend to do in a mosh pit, it's called moshing. It's what you do. In a mosh pit.)**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **(oh god no)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.** (bloody genius you are love)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.** (suck up)**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.**(oh stop it, you stop it right now)**

"Really."I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(Oh what a sweet girl our dear Ebony is)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **(yeeeaahhhh bbeeeerrrr)** and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled **(is she suddenly four years old? Then again Tara has the writing ability of a four year old. With severe brain damage)** back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **(Shocker!)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **(wow way to confuse us, ENOBY or ebony?)** nut mary su **(nope, I'm pretty sure Mary Sue suits your 'character' far more than ENOBY) ** OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her **(but, why?)** dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **(CALM THE FAJUMA-HUMA DOWN)**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **(thank god, this story has some sense, he's going to stab her to death with a spoon. Never been so happy in my entire life. Kill Draco, kill!**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **(AGAIN WOMAN, THINK OF THE FAJUMA-HUMA)**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **(the rivitation of the conversation) (SING IT LADIES)**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **(why would anyone want to look like they had conjunctivus)** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(ahh shat-ap)**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **(why?)** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.** (why would you that to Willow, you're supposed to be friends)** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(*headdesk* no, just completely and utterly no)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. **(ewewwewewewewewewewewewewewe wewewewewewewewewewewewewewe wewewewewewewewewewewewewewe weweweweewewewewewewewewewew ewewewewewewewewewewewewewew ewewewewewewewewewewewewewew ewewewewewewewewewewewewewew ewewewewewewewewewewewewewew eweweeweweweweweweewewewewew ewewewewewewewewewewewewewew ewewewewewwewewewewewewewewe wewewewewewewewewewewewewewe wewewewewewewewewewewewewewe ) (yep that about covers it)**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **(technically 'Draco' is a Enobyfucker and Enoby is a dracofucker)**

It was….Dumbledore! **(no, no its not. Dumbles would never say anything to that effect **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok **(no, not okay)** an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **(well he should be) **PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **(thank god she'll never update)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **(naww there's our little 666)**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **(well what do expect, you were doing the dirty in the forbidden forest, on top of your best friend)**

"You ludacris fools!" **(what an insult!)** he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **(you might want to get a doctor to look at that)** Draco comforted me. **(no Draco, no)** When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **(do you blame them?)**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" **(my god thats fantastic. I must start using it) **asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(pfft what, that is not an excuse. Okay alright , if they're allowed to use the angst-infused teenage smexy times they call love as an excuse then so will I!) (dude, why did you punch my grandma? BECAUSE I LOVE HER) (hey, that's my goats cheese wheel; give it back. No BECAUSE I LOVE HER) (um mate, why are you only answering questions with 'BECAUSE I LOVE HER. BECAUSE I LOVE HER)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **(why, are you going out again) **When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **(eurgh, just why?)** I was so flattered, **(why be flattered when you can be flattened?)** even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**This is far too fun. Far too fun.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey I just wanted to say as I've forgotten to do this earlier, thank you oh so very much to lilirox187, my solitary reviewer *sniffle* it's okay, it's not like I want any reviews or anything L so anyway, on with the show**

Chapter 6

AN: shjt **(shjt! Haha, i've got to start using that one as well)** up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **(nooo, it wouldn't be black because Ebony never ever wears that colour)** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses **(... hunny, you're supposed to be a Satanist. Crosses would sizzle on your skin making us some lovely fried Ebony)** in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **(only I'm aloud to spray my hair different colours) (biatch)**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **(is it bad that I really wanna try that)** cereal with blood instead of milk **(although not that)**, and a glass of red blood. **(Completely normal of course and of obviously the colour of the blood really gives zing and originality to this sentence because blood is never red, ever)** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **(damn, I hate it when I do that too. Ya know blood stains never come out) (incidentally I have a blood stain on my carpet at the mo; and no, I know what you're thinking, I didn't invite Ebony round for tea. My toe just exploded. Pretty average day for me to be honest)**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. **(*cough* issues *cough*)**I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **(they're called face-wipes love)** and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **(no no no, please don't do this Tara)** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent **(its Hogwarts, what exactly were you expecting? Everyone having Mexican accents?... My god I would love that!) **. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **(Lady, shut the actually fuck up. Nobody likes you) ** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(yes yes, because we're definitely the sickos here)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **("wait what, were you just drinking human blood? Eurgh thats disgusting! AVADA KEDAVRA!") (well a girl can dream can't she)**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. **(what an excellent show for the kids: 'now remember children, if someone spills the glass of blood you just happen to be drinking down you first of all you must get really, really pissed off at them. Secondly, look up to see if they're hot and if they are immediately start up a conversation, discard all blood stains and flirt like hell')**

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **(*claps* well done Ebony, well done. You have succeeded in turning Harry Potter into a stupid emo twat)**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **(ewwww! I don't think that's normal Harry. I can get you name for a counsellor if you need it, which my friend you evidently do)**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **(Confessed? you don't exactly keep it a secret)**

"Really?" he whimpered. **(I would be scared too Harry, I would be scared)**

"Yeah." I roared. **(roared, really roared?) (ROOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR) (that's a roar, you still sure that's what you did?)**

**(hehe, this fun- go through what they said- questioned, grumbled, exclaimed, giggled, confessed, whimpered, roared. Wow, Tara's starting to become creative.)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(he's going to smash your head in?) (yes please let it be that)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **(ooooh a title, well isn't she fancy)**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **(God reviews? No God would ever review such a meagre thing)** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **(Tin god vons! Not only has Ebony become German but she also has the audacity to ask from reviews from my good friend, the god of tin)** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **(mature)** Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz **(Satan's) **sake!

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Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)**(Yep, just about)**. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **(oh god, I know I've complained about her vagueness before but this is even worse. DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO BE DESCRIBITIVE TARA)** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively **(don't bring the French into this. What. A. Bitch. I know the french aren't brilliant in war but calling them passive is just offensive)** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically **(always say enthusiastically enthusiastically, its the only way to do it *thumbs up*)**. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **(ouch that must be uncomfortable. Think about the chaffing on that)** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **(Ebony has a boy thingy too? Does Draco know?)** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(well you make it sound stupid you moronic dunce)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **(I have no words. Apart from those ones. You see them? Got it. Get it. Good)** when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic **(obviously)** writing were the words… Vampire!

I was so angry. **(Why?)**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **(you knew what? I'm so confusilised)**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(well if he does you have it to him)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. **(such a teenage girl. But what can i say, I myself have had some purely beautiful storm outs)** Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **(FOR FUCKS SAKE EBONY IT'S CALLED A PENIS) (or shebang, or a shling-shlong, or a peeper, or my personal favourite, unmentionables)** but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **(I would love to see the actual Snape react to this situation, and gangnam style but that's a whole other story)**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing **(stop flossing? Wow, don't you be trying to take my dental hygiene away biatch)** ok! if u do de prep! **(only preps floss? eww)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX6 66XXXXXXXXXXX **(hello there again) **

Everyone in the class stared at me **(well what do you expect?)** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **(Draco, for goodness sake this is Britain. We don't do that crazy shit over here** and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **(actually screamed sadly)**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **(who?)** smiled at me understatedly. **(an understated smile?)** She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes **(were her eyes not open beforehand?)** like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **(why? she's pale already)** Hermione **(OH GOD NO!)** was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **(well who wouldn't be?)** She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **(well why wouldn't she be, Tara was let lose upon her)** It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **(a door made of griffins. I want one)**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **(oh this keeps on getting better)** Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" **(you're not going out with Vampire you stupid mong)** I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped. **(why, nobody likes you)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **(whoa, when did we get into emo draco mode)** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems **(yeah just a few)**, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" **(listen to the man Ebony)** I screamed. **(AHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHH HHHHH)** I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **(*headdesk**faceplam**throws-self-off-building*)** to Draco and then I started to bust **(spontaneously combust?)** into tears.

**Well that one was really shitty, sorry **


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, school has restarted and I've been swamped by exams. I'll try and update some more as I've got a couple of chapters on my computer that I'll attempt to upload something later in the week. Oh and another thing... IT'S SNOWING! :)**

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **(then why the fujuma huma are you writing fanfic about it you stupid woman)** dis is frum **(Victor Frum?)** da movie ok so itz nut my folt **(well you're writing it, who else's fault could it be)** if dumbeldor swers! **(he doesn't swear in the movie, also I'd be interested to know which movie) **besuizds **(biscuits? 'cause if someones going to a biscuit run you get me some ginger snaps)** I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes Christian and vampire is a satanist! **(no actually it's a little more complicated than that ) **MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. **(get you, ya little rhymer)** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **(get off Willow, think about how she feels)**

Then all of a suddenly **(all of a suddenly, I like it; I might start using it)**, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **(everything? Everything in the whole world?)** started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **(*head in hands* no need to remind us dear, we're not as stupid as you)** (basically like Voldemort in the movie **(here's a trick for Tara, don't use the thing you're describing to describe the thing you're describing. Capiche?)**) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **(could never have guessed)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **(to be fair, if anyone** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **(here's your chance Voldy. Kill! Kill! Kill!)**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(ooooohhh, Shakespearean-speaking Voldemort. I want one.) **

I thought about Vampire and his sexah **(sexxxaaaaaaaahhhhhh)** eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(YOU FUCKING GENIUS)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **(NO VOLDEMORT FOR YOU... sorry, soup nazi digression)**

Voldemort gave me a gun. **(why would she need a gun?)** "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. **(that was the greatest sentence i've ever read. I am in awe!)** "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **(that must be difficult)**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **(just ignoring the fact you yelled at him whilst he was naked and accused him of something he didn't do)**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. **(wow, gotta love Tara's descriptive skills)** He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner **(why is everyone so bad at doing their make up?)** kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(no?)** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered. **(sooooo, comfort him?)**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **(expelled, like a liquid expelled? Ewwwwww)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(whilst walking, without falling over tree roots and assorted acromantula. Outstanding)**


	10. Chapter 10

**So I've decided to be as inventive as Ebony with my insults**

Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags **(no ice cream for homophobes bumbum doodah)** if u donot **(hmmmmm dounuts)** lik **(nobody would lick her story)** ma story **(so that's everyone then)** den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al **(she was never a muggle to begin with)** n she n vampire r evil **(harry and hermione are probably the people least likely to turn evil in the whole of hogwarts)** datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. **(Welcome to Hogwarts!)** I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band **(oh god no)** Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **(*Throws up in bucket*)**I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar **(obviously)**. People say that we sound like a cross **(omigurd, you said cross, you'll now be burned to death by the witch finder general)** between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) **(Tara, I hate you. And I will find you. And I will end you. Slowly.)** and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming **(slackers, that's no excuse)** and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **(you did earlier plebian)** or a steak) **(kill him with steak, well that's a waste of a good cow's sacrifice to provide the human race with sustinance)** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **(I love that film :D)** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs **(just imaginaing ebony walking out of her dormintory and McGonagoll just looking at her and being 'Miss Way, this is not a brothel, I think I and the rest of the school would thank you if you went back upstairs and put some clothes on')** and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **(No, I defo believe you hun *cough* SLAGGGGGGG *cough*)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' **(god is that like the only song you know)** and at the end of the song I suddenly bust **(again, spontaneously combust?)** into tears. **(Naw Ebony, its okay, you guys weren't that bad. Actually I'm lying - you were shite)  
**  
"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted **(get your words right you chocolate muffin)** voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **(*Spike voice activate* real charmer you are love)** And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" **(Don't tell her you sausage)** I burst into tears. **(...again? You were already crying hamburger-face)**  
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **(NINJA STYLE BITCHES)**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you **(naww, don't cry Draco)** fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **(Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes indeed.)**

I started to cry and cry. **(You were already fucking crying you twatasaurus)** Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. **(Never mind your boyfriend suddenly bursting in, then out)** Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **(the man has a talent) **(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **(but you just said, and I quote, 'I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists, he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too' well you're a little bit a contradictory armless goblin wongbat)**


End file.
